This has been the summer of re-engagement, reconnection, and taking stock. For our family, this has meant getting out on road trips, negotiating complicated schedules so we can spend time with the friends and family we’ve missed, and contemplating house projects after staring at the same things for so long. This time of re-engagement and transition for many people is also encompassing work and relationships. We’re taking stock – we’re looking at our lives, our rhythms and patterns, choices we’ve made, relationships, and tasks we’re devoting time and energy to, and for many, this is resulting in an experience akin to a mid-life crisis. I’m hearing people asking themselves, “Now that I’m returning to the life I had pre-Covid, is this actually the life I want?”
I believe strongly that paying attention to that inner voice, the one that synthesizes everything you’re taking in, everything you’re thinking and feeling is actually the trigger for what we think of as identity crises. It’s excruciating to say, but nonetheless true, that so many people live their lives on autopilot – going through the motions of daily routines, managing (or not) daily stressors. At various points in our lives (not JUST at mid-life), that autopilot system goes offline. Sometimes it’s taken offline by something like a pandemic, or a personal health crisis. Often, our autopilot goes offline when we face grief, loss, or trauma, which prompts us to slow down or stop for a time. It can also be way less dramatic – maybe an encounter with a particular person, something we read or watch, or some internal experience, causes our autopilot to short out. Then, when we take the flight controls ourselves, looking at the flight path we’re on, it can be the most jarring of experiences. We’re taken aback, and can’t help but think, “When did I decide on this path? And why? And is this still the way I want to go?”
If this describes your experience, consider the following:
- Find some moments of stillness, when you can listen to these thoughts and feelings, instead of shutting them down because they’re scary. Have a cup of coffee on the porch, take a 20 minute walk, put down the devices and just sit.
- Do not act immediately or impulsively. During these moments of stillness, just observe and experience. You can write down what you’re thinking and feeling, or talk about things with a trusted person or a therapist. Impulsive actions in times like these often represent a desire to escape, though may not necessarily lead you down a better path – in other words, you may head from a spot of turbulence into an ice storm if you don’t take a little time to observe and consider.
- Let your imagination fly for awhile! It can be surprisingly easy to re-engage that autopilot again and shut down new ideas, to assume something won’t or can’t work. It’s OK to get creative, to let yourself envision new ideas, a different future, without censoring yourself. Give yourself the gift of dreaming big.
- Commit to one change, or even a step toward a change, write down a plan, and start. Things may unfold differently than you expect, and a plan might need to be changed. What matters is starting the engine and gaining some momentum.
While stressful, and sometimes upheaving, figuring out that it’s time to chart a new course is also liberating and confidence-building. Taking the steps above will prompt you to live life on autopilot less often, and cultivate the curiosity that’s needed to embark upon a new path!