There’s so much pain and stress in the world…and I feel like it’s taken over my life. I don’t know what to do about it!
I don’t know about you, but every time I turn on the news or check the news feed on my phone, I do so with a strange mixture of thoughts and emotions. I feel compelled to know what is happening in the world – and I also want to bury my phone in the backyard and never hear about another mass shooting, natural disaster, refugee crisis, or impending international conflict. My clients and friends often say that they yearn to reach out and help – while also wishing they could hole up in a cabin in the mountains and pretend the world is peaceful. These seemingly opposite reactions are not as confusing as they may seem.
Disasters and traumatic events prompt certain reactions in our bodies and brains. The nature of the reaction depends upon many personal, biological, and situational factors. At a basic level, exposure to stressful or traumatic events prompts our brain and body prepare us to cope with a threat. While we are not physically threatened by the disasters we are exposed to only via the media, we may feel emotionally threatened by this vicarious exposure. Why? Maybe because it reminds you of something you’ve been through in the past, or brings up similar feelings. Maybe because you have an active imagination and can picture vividly what it would be like if you or your family were experiencing the struggles you see in the media. Maybe you tend to get stuck on certain thoughts, worries, or images, and have a hard time getting them out of your head. Maybe because you are an empathic human being who is sensitive to the suffering of others.
So, what can you do to cope with this? Start here.
- Connect – Experiencing and being exposed to traumatic events is often disconnecting. We feel separated from others – maybe because we believe our lives and experiences are fundamentally different, or we feel guilty about our own good fortune. This separation can also occur because we can’t turn off the stream of words and visuals long enough to have a meaningful conversation or connection with another person. We may also feel separated from ourselves – disconnected from our bodies or emotions, and from day-to-day events in our lives. You may find yourself so distracted by the barrage of stressful stimuli that you neglect to do those things that help make up who you are. The remedy for this? Connection. Ask yourself the following, and use these reflections to help you re-establish vital connections:
- When is the last time I spent time with a friend in person?
- When I am with my partner/child/parent/co-worker/friend, do I put down my phone?
- When is the last time I tried something new?
- What is something I used to enjoy doing that I’ve stopped doing?
- When is the last time I made a new connection with another person?
- What is my body telling me about how I’m doing?
- Have I been doing more of the things that I know are unhealthy for me – e.g., drinking more alcohol, eating more unhealthy foods, sitting for longer periods of time?
- Am I feeling a variety of emotions every day, or am I stuck on a couple unpleasant ones?
- Limit Exposure – Some of you might remember a time when we saw the news twice per day – once in the morning and once in the evening. Now, our phones or social media decide what news stories we should see and when. Guess what? You actually do have control over this. You can decide what kinds of alerts you wish to receive, and when you decide to check the news. I recommend you set a limit as to how many times per day you check the news, and how long you spend reading it. I also suggest that you balance your news exposure – for example, read educational articles as often as you read more emotionally charged material. Feel free to limit your news feeds and don’t read every article your Uncle Jerry sends you about conspiracy theories on the recent mass shooting. And, do NOT read the news before you go to bed.
- Live According to Your Values – As you read about what is happening in your community, country, and around the world, don’t simply take in the painful details, letting them grab hold and stick around, with no purpose. Think about why a particular story or event is impacting you: Is it reminding you that life is short? That you’ve strayed from your faith? That you’ve lost contact with someone important to you? That you value and are grateful for your own health and good fortune? Does the story or event pull at something within you, compelling you to take action (see below)? Maybe you’re reacting to a particular story or event because it’s particularly relevant to your values. If so, use this opportunity to remind yourself of your core values, and assess the degree to which you are currently living according to those values. Make change as necessary.
- Take Action – One of the first thoughts people have when reading about a terrible event is some variation on, “there are so many horrible things happening in the world, and I have a hard time believing I have the power to change anything!” My response to this? The people who supposedly do have power are having a hard time changing anything. You have more power than you think! And, at the risk of sounding like a therapist, change starts small. Here are some examples:
- Learn about the issues that matter to you, and talk about them with others. If you’re a parent, talk about these issues with your kids. Get them to think critically about things that are happening in their world, and how they can influence change.
- Volunteer – there are many local organizations and faith groups that take action to help others. Everything from food and clothing donations, to deploying with relief organizations, makes a difference.
- Use your skills to help others – I’m a psychologist, and have used my training and skills to provide disaster mental health assistance with the American Red Cross and perform pro bono evaluations with refugees. You have talents, skills, and education that make you suited to contributing to the greater good in unique ways. Use them!
- Become active in an organization that is doing work you value and respect – and remember that “active” can mean anything that fits into the context of your life responsibilities.
- Get Help – If you’re finding that any of the following problems are happening to you and don’t seem to be going away, or are worsening, consider seeing a therapist:
- You’re struggling to fall asleep or having frequent nighttime awakenings
- You’re experiencing repeated and distressing reminders of past traumatic or stressful experiences
- You’re feeling consistently angry, irritable, agitated, or on edge
- You’re mentally and/or physically exhausted much of the time
- You’re feeling disconnected from your feelings, yourself, or from others, much of the time
- You’ve withdrawn from your support system
- You’ve had thoughts of harming yourself or others
- You worry constantly and can’t turn it off or distract from it
- You’ve stopped doing things that you enjoy
If you’re interested in speaking with Dr. Ardern about therapy, assessment, consultation, supervision, or speaking engagements, call 303-205-8482 or e-mail heidi@ardernpsychology.com