In a non-pandemic, non-election year, the first few weeks of December often feel frantic – with the stress of work, school, family, finances, and the holidays culminating in an often desperate end-of-year burnout. The unique challenges of 2020 mean that this year’s burnout feels more like a raging wildfire – something so overwhelming that we strive to contain it, to prevent further spread, while continuing to deal with the fire-ravaged interior of our lives.
Let me clarify – and I’m sorry to break this to you – but, you’ve actually been in active burnout for months. Maybe longer. As we love to say in therapy, burnout is not a destination, but a journey and a process. By the time you’ve named what you’re feeling as burnout, you’ve already lost a lot of your internal structures to the fire – those pillars of yourself that hold you up. Maybe you’ve disconnected from your relationships, lost satisfaction in your work, begun drinking more, or are functioning on little sleep. Possibly, you’re bemoaning your weight gain, bad skin, or spending habits. Almost everyone in a process of burnout has one thing in common – a sense of deep physical, emotional, and cognitive exhaustion that comes from all the candles burning at the same time, for a long time.
If you’re mindful and open-minded, you don’t have to continue to live in burnout. Here are three things to do, starting today:
1.) Rest & Prepare – You absolutely CANNOT fight this fire from a state of sleep deprivation. It’s unhealthy and ineffective – the equivalent of walking into your burning self with no gas mask or protective gear. If you make one change in the next few weeks, focus on sleep. Consider going to bed 5 minutes earlier each night until you’re increasing your overall amount of sleep. Institute a routine for 45-60 minutes before you wish to go to sleep that involves putting away all screens, soothing your physical self (think, stretches, showering, hand massages with lotion), doing a guided meditation (try Headspace or Calm), etc. Reduce interference from things that negatively impact your sleep – e.g., check your room’s temperature and ambient noise, stop watching crime shows, find ways to get your kids to sleep in their own beds, etc. Good quality sleep is the key and the foundation to getting out of your burnout process.
2.) Clear a small path – By the time you’re in burnout, everything’s going wrong and everything needs to be fixed. It’s easy to become overwhelmed, and to respond by ruminating on all of the things that need to change. As a result, you don’t have the energy to work on any one thing. When you fight this burnout fire, you need to start by clearing one small path through the flames. Choose one thing that needs to be fixed, decide on one small change to make, and be sure to touch that thing each day. For example, if you think your diet is a major source of how badly you’re feeling, choose ONE thing to change about it (e.g., eating two servings of vegetables per day or starting the day with a full and healthy breakfast) and do that thing every day. Once that feels like easy to do, recognize that you’ve cleared a small path for yourself, and now you can start clearing another small path.
3.) Ask someone to clear a path with you – Imagine the difference between one person trying to put out a wildfire, versus two people, or a group of people. Maybe you can do it by yourself, but it’ll be long and hard, and still pretty exhausting. Reflect on the people in your life and the roles they play, as well as the struggles they’re having. Do you have a friend who’s also trying to be more active? Or a friend who returns your rambling 2:00 am texts because she doesn’t sleep either? Do you and your partner both need to re-evaluate what you’re putting into your stressful jobs? Schedule a real or virtual sit-down with that person and talk about your shared struggle(s). Develop a strategy together and a way to support each other through the clearing of your paths. Find ways to celebrate small successes. If you don’t have someone like this in your life, or if you find that you need more support than your system can offer, consider looking into therapy.
All of us at Ardern Psychology wish you a peaceful and encouraging end to 2020!