Mental illness touches all of us, though we don’t always discuss this openly. When your emotions are powerful, or you’re struggling in a relationship, it’s common to feel alone in your pain – as if no one understands or shares your experience – though there are others all around you who feel similarly. The stigma of mental illness extends to the families and loved ones of those who are experiencing chronic mental illness (e.g., disorders such as Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Major Depressive Disorder, and others), as well. If you love someone who struggles with chronic mental health issues, read on for some ideas to help you cope.
Educate yourself – Consult reputable sources of information (see a few resources below) in order to learn more about the symptoms and experiences your loved one is having. As you do so, keep in mind that trying to reach a diagnosis yourself is unwise and likely unhelpful, as many mental health disorders share symptoms. The goal of self-educating is to evoke empathy and compassion, and to get some ideas as to ways to ask questions and show concern for your loved one. Educating yourself also puts you in a position to assist your loved one in finding the right treatment, if they’re willing to accept that support from you.
Sharing your concerns – This first step is often the hardest one – how can you share your concerns with your loved one without alienating them, making them feel judged, or putting them on the defensive? You begin with kindness and empathy – e.g., pointing out some specific behaviors or making specific observations about things that your loved one seems to be struggling with. Share that you love them/care about them, and are pointing out these concerns because you want your loved one to be happy/function well/etc. Avoid blanket statements, blaming, and using critical language/tone. Over time, consider sharing some ways your loved one’s symptoms are impacting you/others/family/work (whatever applies), in a caring and non-judgmental way. Offer support, and be lead by what support your loved one is willing to embrace.
Find the right support – for your loved one and yourself. There are many barriers to beginning mental health treatment – from cost, to finding a provider with availability, navigating insurance hurdles, and potentially other practical barriers. Emotional barriers also often block the way in asking for help. If your loved one is ready to seek treatment and is open to you helping with this, the role you play in breaking down these barriers may be the difference in your loved one getting help soon, versus weeks or months down the road. Depending upon your loved one’s issues, there may also be a toll on your own mental health. And, you may find yourself needing to set boundaries in regard to what you’re willing to do to support your loved one. So, seeking support for yourself is also key.
Support groups for loved ones:
https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9LAAW
Be ready for both successes and setbacks – some mental health issues are either chronic or relapsing/remitting in nature – meaning, there may be periods in which your loved one feeling good and is functioning well, interspersed with periods of increased symptoms and reduced functioning. Such periods can feel like a one step forward, two steps back, situation. However, I like to tell clients to conceptualize these moments as speed bumps or road blocks – nothing can take away progress that’s already been made, but further progress is sometimes paused or halted for a time. Stay the course, and build resilience and compassion – for yourself and your loved one.
Further Resources: