The joy and stress of cultivating tiny humans consumes lots of emotional energy. I like to conceptualize our energy reserves as a reservoir. Ideally, our energy reservoir would be near capacity, consistently replenished when it dips below that level. When you imagine your reservoir, how full (or how empty) is it? Are you operating at 75% capacity, 50%, 25%, even less? Parenting is obviously not the only thing that taps into our reservoirs – other relationships, work, household duties, health issues, and various life stressors and changes also pull from that emotional reservoir. What happens to you when your emotional reservoir is at critically low levels? Everyone’s different, but here are common experiences:
- More intense and frequent negative emotions – anxiety, anger, depression
- Difficulty sleeping – maybe your thoughts are swirling and won’t shut down, maybe your body is restless and cannot rest
- Increased conflict and/or increased withdrawal from relationships
- Increased substance use
- Difficulty enjoying the downtime you do have
- Increased negative self-judgments
If this is resonating for you, consider joining me in the following exercise:
Sit comfortably in a quiet space that can be free of most distractions for a 15 minute timeframe. Close your eyes and begin taking slow breaths, breathing in for four counts and then exhaling for four counts. These breaths do not need to be deep – just slow. With each exhale, notice how your body feels in the places where it is touching the chair, notice the placement of your legs and feet, take a moment to roll and stretch your neck and shoulders.
As you continue your slow breathing, imagine that your body is your emotional reservoir, and your emotional energy is represented by a warm, golden light. This warm light begins at your feet, the bottom of your reservoir. With each in breath, notice the light slowly moving up from your feet, to your ankles, calves, knees, and thighs. With each inhalation, that light will move slowly up your body, showing you the current capacity of your reservoir. Where does that warm light stop? Notice whether that light stops somewhere in your legs, your torso, or higher. Your maximum capacity is the crown of your head – so, if your light stops anywhere below this, you are not currently replenishing your emotional reservoir.
Things to consider if this exercise reveals that your reservoir is running on empty –
- Are you allowing the little things to take too much from your reservoir? In other words, does it seem like the inconsequential things in your life are sucking out too much energy? For example, do you put too much energy into whether the dishes are done, whether the kids clothes match, whether you responded to that particular text message? Ask yourself – “Will this thing I’m expending energy on matter in a month? In a year?”
- Are you wasting the energy in your reservoir on negative self-judgments? Judgments like these drain our energy as much as actual life stressors. When you find yourself besieged by negative self-judgments, consider doing a thought defusion exercise, like this one.
- What are you doing to replenish your reservoir? Time alone will not fully replenish your emotional energy levels. Many of the other things we turn to when our levels are low also don’t serve to replenish our levels – things like watching television, for example. Maybe watching TV means that your emotional reserves aren’t being actively drained; however, they’re also not being refilled. Consider instead doing things that build your confidence, increase your physical energy, remind you of the bigger picture, connect you with others in a meaningful way, and ground your body.
- Do you replenish your reservoir BEFORE it hits critical levels? There are certain foundational tasks that are part of being healthy and alive that, when maintained, go a long way toward reducing the depletion of your energy reservoir. Sleeping consistently, eating healthily, reducing substance use, doing active things you enjoy, spending time both alone and with people who build you up, and actively managing any health concerns, all are vital. Check in with yourself regularly, ask your body and your mind what they need, and follow through with fulfilling those needs.