In Colorado, within the last month, we’ve had multiple threats of school violence, one of which resulted in school closures on a massive scale. Last week, the threat became reality when one student was killed and several others injured at a charter school in Highlands Ranch. As a parent, I struggled with feelings of fear, dismay, anger, and helplessness. As a therapist, I strived to help clients with a variety of reactions and needs – naming, processing, and coping with their own painful emotions, finding ways to talk to their children (of varying ages) about the threats/violence, and wondering why this happens in the first place.
Many of you experienced emotional and behavioral reactions to these events, some of which may still linger in your day-to-day lives. Here are some ideas to help you process and understand what you’re dealing with:
- Recognize that you may be experiencing reactions on multiple levels – as a parent, as an employee, as a helper/healer, as a human. And, you may also be empathizing with the reactions of others – your children, loved ones, clients, employees, etc. This can all add up to a more intense emotional reaction than you might expect.
- Give yourself permission to disconnect from the barrage of information that invariably follows events related to mass violence. It’s important to find your limit – the amount of data that helps you to stay connected to your world, without taking over and notably impacting your functioning.
- Don’t gossip. It’s easy for rumors and misinformation to spread. There’s already enough fear based on the reality of violence and threats of violence, and spreading the latest theories from social media only makes this worse. Instead, consider sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, validating each other’s emotions, and exploring ways to cope with what’s happening.
- If you have experienced traumatic events in the past, or significant losses, you may find yourself with powerful and lingering emotions tied to recent events. Sometimes, our histories prime us to react more strongly when we’re confronted with new traumatic events.
- Maybe you’re concerned because you haven’t actually had an emotional reaction. There could be a number of reasons for this – ranging from a desire to avoid the thoughts and feelings you’re having, to being overwhelmed by them and overloading your ability to process the emotions, to not having a safe place to react in. Observe yourself, find that safe place or person, and allow some space to feel when you’re ready to do so.
- Hopelessness and helplessness are two of the most painful emotions we can experience, and they fester with abundance in times like these. The remedy? Taking action in such a way as to see the results of our efforts. Ask yourself – in your role and situation in life, what can you do to heal yourself and/or others? How can you feel as though you’re converting the pain into something that’s healing, that is a contribution, that reaffirms what you believe to be true about the world?
We are not alone in our experiences, and connecting with others – offering and seeking support – is a powerful step toward creating a culture in which violence is an anomaly, not an expectation.