Raise your hand if, when you were thinking about having a baby, you thought to yourself, “I think I’d like to be pregnant and give birth during a global pandemic, where I can only have one support person with me in the hospital, my loved ones cannot shower me with love and baby wishes in person, and my family can’t safely travel to meet my child.”
I get it – this was NOT what you were planning or expecting.
Though I’ve had both my children (and am DONE), I’m no stranger to the stress of the unexpected during pregnancy and birth. My first daughter’s birth culminated in an emergency D&C due to a stubborn placenta, and my second daughter’s birth involved a C-section and NICU stay after a five week stay for me on bed rest in the prenatal ward (as my husband chased a two-year-old all over the show, by himself). My memories of the latter half of my second pregnancy are filtered through fear (for my baby’s life due to the complications I was having), longing (for my daughter and husband at home, for my work), and boredom (due to the pandemic-like lack of stimulation of being in a hospital room for five weeks). Needless to say, I didn’t expect that trajectory when I became pregnant.
And I’m betting you didn’t expect to be feeling the stress and fear of being pregnant and giving birth in the age of COVID-19. I’ve spoken with and treated a lot of moms over the past several months. Every single one is mourning something – during a time that we’re told is supposed to be filled with joy and hopefulness. These seem hard to come by in general, right now, let alone in connection to bringing a life into the world. Your struggles are valid, and you deserve support and space to mourn and rage. At the same time, sinking too far into stress and anxiety won’t do you or your baby any favors.
Here are a few ideas to keep you thriving during this time:
- Write a note to your baby each day – tell them what’s going on with you and in the world, muse upon what they’re doing and experiencing in the womb, share something funny you or someone else thought or said about the baby, or a dream you have for their future. It’ll help you connect to yourself and your baby differently, and will be an amazing gift for your adult child one day.
- Your baby thrives when you are thriving – do what makes you happy, proud of yourself, connects you to others, brings you peace, encourages you to care for your body, empowers you.
- Remind yourself of the secret blessings you may be experiencing right now – does working from home allow you to take afternoon preggo naps? Do you and your partner get extra time for intimacy? Do you get to tell your know-it-all Aunt Pamela that she can’t come to visit the baby because of COVID? These blessings won’t invalidate the struggles, but giving them more equal representation in your emotional world will help a lot.
It’s also wise to consider contacting a therapist who knows something about the journey of motherhood.
Stay fierce, Mama.