I’d venture to say that most therapy sessions scheduled in the month of January involve at least a mention of New Year’s resolutions, or, at the very least, goals for 2023. In fact, it’s important throughout the therapy process to check in about and re-evaluate goals – so, why not do so at such an auspicious time on the calendar?
Here’s the issue with goal-setting in January – most New Year’s resolutions are, by their very nature, set up to fail. It starts with the word resolution – deriving from resolve. In some ways, it’s an appealing word – it feels determined, certain. If only determination and certainty were enough, in terms of reaching our goals. Determination and certainty aren’t that hard – it’s easy to feel certain in the need to lose weight, finish that degree, or to start therapy. What’s key is not the sense of certainty, but what comes after the certainty – namely, what are the steps I need to take, what are the barriers, and why haven’t I been successful in reaching this goal before?
I find it helpful to think of goals in terms of seasonality, and doing so will help you to feel more effective in your own goal-setting and making progress toward your goals. Consider this in two ways:
- Your own personal “seasons” of the year – It’s possible that you have struggled with reaching your goals in the past because you haven’t sufficiently considered your own rhythm and seasonality. For example, if you have particular busy or down times throughout the year in terms of work, or particular work tasks that hit at certain times, it is vital to be thoughtful about timing and commitment available to work toward your personal goals. As a parent, it’s unfair to expect that you’ll be able to start a new workout routine just as two of your kids’ sports seasons get up and running. If your life rhythm changes with some frequency, it’s worthwhile to consider setting goals that are more specific in scope (though these smaller goals may add up and lead to accomplishing a much larger goal over time). Implement a monthly or quarterly goal check-in so you can evaluate progress or re-evaluate strategy. Factor into your goal-setting the time, emotional energy, financial resources, etc., that will be required, and shift timing and expectations of meeting your goals to fit these real-life factors (and/or to figure out what you need to put into place in order to be successful).
- Seasons according to nature – It has always seemed illogical to me that we make our biggest push toward goal-setting in January. Sure, it’s the beginning of a new year, which seems mathematically appropriate. However, it’s also in the throes of winter (for most of us in the U.S.) – a time when people tend to be more depressed, lower in energy, with a tendency to sleep more and eat to excess. Of course, it’s reasonable to try to shift these seasonal tendencies. But, is it reasonable to set larger, more challenging goals, during a time in which we’re kind of just trying to get by? This is another reason many goals set in January are doomed to fail. What if instead, we considered the first couple months of each year to be a time of resting, nesting, and reflecting? It’s the ideal time to get back to basics. Consider making small changes to re-regulate sleep and eating habits, reconnect to yourself after the bustle of the holidays, and consider your immediate space and what would be conducive to the kind of growth you want this year. Reflect on last year – on your own, or with a therapist or friend/loved one. Generate a list of your hits and misses, any barriers, and look ahead to this year with a view to your own personal seasonality. Create specific, reasonable goals, listing out small steps to achieving each one, and a system to track your progress, barriers, and achievements. By spring, when mood and energy start to gain momentum, you’ll be poised for success – and, free of the pressure and negative self-judgment that often accompany New Year’s resolutions.
Happy New Year from Ardern Psychology!