Here at Ardern Psychology, we’re super excited to have created our first pregnancy support video! It’s full of tons of useful information, tips, skills, and resources that all expectant moms need as they embark on this life-changing journey. The best part? It costs less than the average therapy session. Visit our website, or send us a question on social media to learn more.
https://ardernpsychology.com/video-series/
In the meantime – a teaser –
Our society promotes motherhood as a selfless endeavor – one full of nurturing and sacrifice. While this is certainly the case to a degree, this messaging is problematic, since it promotes the idea of motherhood as a state in which your own needs matter less, or do not matter at all. In the best of times, women (in general) struggle to engage in meaningful self-care. For most women, becoming a mom tanks a lot of self-care practices, at a time when they’re needed the most.
One way we try to help our clients understand what self-care really is involves asking yourself what it means to care for another person – whether it’s your child, spouse/partner, a family member, or friend. What do we do when we care for another person who is dear to us?
- We pay attention to their needs and try to meet them, if we can. When we know someone well, we know the kinds of things they tend to struggle with, and the ways that person accepts help. We know when a girlfriend needs to get out for an evening, we know when our partner needs to go for a run to expend some nervous energy, we know when our kid needs some quiet time. Caring for another person means supporting them in meeting these kinds of needs, and showing up for them when they need us.
- We do kind things for them. We refrain from negative judgments, give those we care about the benefit of the doubt, and show empathy and compassion during times of struggle.
- We soothe and nurture them. Particularly with our children, touch is often an incredibly powerful way to show caring, connection, and compassion. A hug, a touch on the hand, verbal reassurances that they’ll get through a hardship, and are not alone, go a long way to helping our loved ones feel cared for.
- We notice when they’re struggling and check in with them, and try to help. If someone you care about has been distant or out of touch, more moody or needy than usual, has withdrawn from normally enjoyable activities, or shows some other signs of struggle, we try to notice and check in. We do not ignore signs of suffering in those we love.
Now, take a moment and read through those four bullet points again. If you see yourself as the kind of person who does these things for others, ask yourself, do you also give to yourself in this way? Do you notice when you’re struggling, attend to your needs, show yourself compassion and kindness, and engage in soothing and self-nurturing practices? Guess what? THAT is self-care. The deep and intuitive connection to yourself, your feelings and experiences, your body, and your needs – and then responding to those needs. While everyone would benefit from developing this more nuanced understanding of self-care, moms are in more dire need of this than most. Put on your oxygen mask, mama, and dive on into this new way of engaging in self-care!